defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
