..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
