I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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