Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
