I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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