dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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