and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
