Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
