Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
