WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
