What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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