I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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