Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
how drunk are you?
Several
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
