don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
