My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
