I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
