i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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