last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
