you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think your dad took our porno
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
