Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
