Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
