When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
