Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
