Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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