So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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