I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
