Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
organizing the empties. That sober.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
