Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Holy shit dude........stairs
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