Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
