God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize
