UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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