is your mom at the bar?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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