Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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