we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
