apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
