My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
