Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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