in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
