my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
