sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
