i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i think my cat just said my name.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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