It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
