Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
