Cold hands, warm shart.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
