Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
