There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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