I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
