I wish I could teleport
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
