Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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