in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
