just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
