I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
