Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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