I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
