Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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