why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
