you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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