He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
handjob tips. give me some.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just want nice things and good sex
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
