You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
